Speaker background:
Yu Dan (Chinese: 于丹; pinyin: Yú Dān, born June 28, 1965) is professor of media studies at China's Beijing Normal University. She is also assistant to the Dean, Faculty of Arts & Media, as well as the Department Chair of the Film & Television Media Department. -- Extracted from Wikipedia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yu_Dan_(academic))
This talk is with Yu Dan under the 文明之旅 series from CCTV. As there are some controversy with some of her historical facts presented, some examples will not be taken down her as I am not in the position to say write or wrong.
- 世界那么大， 我想去看看 (Reason for resignation from a former high school teachers (Gu Shaoqiang)). During an interview, Miss Gu also states that she wanted to chase after her love. Is it worth it?
- 小事不算计 大事不糊涂 (If people aren't too calculative for trifles and muddle-headed about important matters)
- 得失要用道德衡量 (Gains and losses are measured by morality)
- 大事有是非 (Why is the basis(前提) of gains and losses between right and wrong in important matters?)
- 名与身熟亲？名与货熟多？—老子 (LaoZi asked, "Fame and health, which is more important to a person? Health and money, which is more important to a person?”)
In an story, there was a king who had a favored minister who always take everything as “it’s the best outcome of this matter”. The king always puzzled because difficulties and bad luck were always inevitable in life. How could he say that everything was the best? One day the king went hunting with him. The king shot a leopard and was very happy. However, when the king turned over leopard, the dying leopard snapped the pinkie of the king with its mouth. Fresh blood was flowing and the king felt extremely painful. That minister comfort him, "in fact, it's also not bad now. Maybe its the best result." This angered the king and he put the minister in prison. After that, the wound healed and the king continued the journey. One night with full moon, he strayed very far and passed by a relative uncivilized tribe that had a tradition of worshiping at the night with full moon. People of the tribe captured the king and brought him to their chief, wanting to use him as a sacrifice. He thought he would really die. As they stripped his clothes off, they found that one of is fingers was missing. They said, "The sacrifice should be intact without any wounds on the body, not to mention the physical defect. It seems impious and irreverent to sacrifice a person without a finger to the heaven. Let him go." So the frightened king ran back. After going back, he was still suffering from the shock and thought, "That minister is too wise. Since he said its the best result, I should release him immediately." So the king released him. After that, the king asked him, "Did you ever predicted it?" The minister said, "Actually not. I just think when we lose something in life, we should wait for change quietly. It may not be bad in the future." The king said, "I'll ask you another question. Do you think the fact that I wronged you and put you in prison is good for you?" The minister said, "Think about it. If I hadn't been put in prison, I would have accompanied you to go hunting. You lost a finger, while I lost nothing. I would be killed as a sacrifice to the heaven. Don't you think that it's the best for me to be kept in prison?"
All gains and losses in the world match the dialectics. There is no absolute gain without loss and no absolute loss without gain. The key is how to evaluate it. As the saying goes, life is like half a bottle of wine. The optimistic stress the wine, while the pessimistic stress the empty bottle. The gains and losses are actually a kind of balance.
Question and Answer section in the video:
Q: A saying goes “Things will mend in the end” (船到桥头自然直). I think it means letting nature takes its course. However if we let something take its course, we'll surely suffer losses and lose something. Can the gains and losses be predictable?
A: In fact, some matters can be predictable. However for the sake of immediate gains, many people don't hesitate to risk danger in desperation. For example, do you think drug traffickers can predict their end? They surely know that it's much more profitable than selling cucumbers. However, isn't it predictable morally and legally? Therefore, on the basis of morality, the gains and losses are effective(有效) is predictable. However, on the other hand, many things in life are unpredictable. When something unpredictable happens by surprise in life, access it by political integrity(大节). We shouldn't be confused about views on right and wrong. Secondly, if it's only a small trifle, don’t be calculative. just let it pass and treat it leniently(看寬处).
Q: Many students asked me, "If we also study aboard like you in China, we'll surely get a higher salary after we come back to the country. However if they work hard for three years in their own country instead of studying aboard, their salaries will surely be raised to a certain extent." Therefore, when they ask me such a question, I don't know how to explain the gains and losses to them. So I would like to seek your advice.
A: She asked the enquirer what was his reason for coming to China to study. He replied back then, he liked studying in China, so he came in the beginning. Later, he was inseparable from it slowly. When he just came to China, he thought climbing the mountain and wanted to climb to the top. If he was on the mountain side, he might see one or two roads. However, when he reached the top, he could see many roads. If he continued or go somewhere else, he could always see many roads. That's his thoughts.
She said he was particularly right. She think he can say these words to those students who asked him the question. He has given the best answer. Because of his liking and inseparable from it, he climbed the mountain top regardless of some other things. Sometimes people gain a lot because they ignore some other things (not being calculative). However, when they care much about some other things (calculative), they can't gain what they want instead. If youngsters asked how to gain more roads, without climbing the mountain top? It's impossible, so he can't answer them. Sometimes when we ignore some other things (learn to let go of calculative mindset), we'll gain the most.
Q: As for the gains and losses in adolescence, do you have any suggestions? Do children make a choice between gains and losses and have the idea of gains and losses?
A: Actually Confucius said there are three precepts in life. Young people should abstain from feminine beauty due to uncertain physical vigor, namely emotional test(少之时，血气未定，戒之在色。). In her opinion, young people have nothing due to unstable physical vigor. They can gain all possibilities in the world. Her suggestion is we shouldn't let small calculative limit the grand patterns. For instance, parents always stressed the importance of raising a clever child. What is the standard of cleverness? Perhaps they think a good child is quick wits, as well as nibble, a good sense and can calculate everything clearly since childhood. However, it's also a choice to be unwise sometimes. She read a short fable about a small group of small frogs.
In the beginning, all were very ambitious and decided to climb the top of tall tree collectively. Then they all began to climb and began tired gradually. Then some frogs said, "As frogs, we should live in a pond. Who had this bad idea? Is it necessary for us to climb up a tree? Why do we climb up a tree?" Some said, "You are right. How stupid we are! So tired! It's rather hard for us to climb up such tall tree. It's impossible." At last, one by one the frogs stopped climbing. They all stopped at different locations successively and disdained(不屑). At this moment, a smallest frog was still climbing. Without looking back, it climbed to the top of the tree directly. Others kept silent and suddenly realized that the small frog insisted on climbing to the top of the tree when they gave up. They were also of the same kind but such a weak and small frog, how come it was so amazing? They waited for the small frog to come down. Then they came to ask it, "We discussed loudly just now. Why didn't you stop? What on earth is the force to make you climb up the tree?" Later, they found that the small frog gave them a blank look. After quite a long time, they figured out that the small frog was deaf by nature, so it couldn't hear anything. When seeing others began to climb, the small frog thought it's a thing worth doing by all of them. Therefore, it just immersed itself in the thing worth doing by all of them. However, when they began to worry about their gains and losses and be concerned of trifles or give up, it didn't hear. It just kept climbing without distractions and didn't hear anything actually created a miracle, so it's the only frog who reached the goal in the end.
That is to say teenagers should learn from the small frog. They are not necessarily foolish. However, today's children are extremely clever. Most of today's children are like those discussing frogs just now. I think today's children prematurely consider those gains and losses in the adult world in their hearts. She don't think impertinency, absurdity and excessive courageousness are fatal flaws in children. If they are too shrewd and indifferent to the world, it's a fatal flaw. The young shouldn't be calculative. If a person worries about and fusses over trifles at age of 18, he will regret it at age of 80. It's because he doesn't dare to try anything unworthy of his attention from the age of 18 to 80. The dashing spirit he lost is just the biggest loss in his lifetime. You will be the safest if you are indifferent to all the things in the world. However, in the end, why do you come to this world? The life is boring.
Q: When people grow to middle age, they actually value the gains and losses very highly. At this time, they need money to support family with aged and kids, establish their status in society and demands for fame and fortune. At this time, it's the hardest for them to make a choice between gains and losses. What advises do you have?
A: Confucius said middle-aged are energetic and have developed themselves. With certain social status, they've accumulated some money and some friends. So they could fight as they have resources. Therefore Confucius said that the middle-aged should abstain from fighting （及其壮也，血气方刚，戒之在斗。）. So in her opinion, the middle-aged tend to show off their ability, which means they're capable of fighting. However, is this really what they have gained？ She once read a particular interesting short story.
There was a rich widow after her husband passed away. So she particularly cherished her life. She wanted to choose a particularly safe driver personally. She asked her steward to employ drivers of best skills nationwide. In the end, the steward led three drivers to her and said, "These three drivers are absolutely the best in their skills. However, I don't know which one is your favorite. You can choose one you deem fit." And then, the rich widow asked them a question. "If I go out in your car and there is a cliff in front, how far can you stop the car from the cliff with your skills?” The first driver said, "I can stop the car ten meters far away from the cliff." The second one said, "My skills are much better and I can stop the car three meters far away from the cliff." The third one said, "I'll stop the car as soon as I see the cliff far away." Everybody knows who gets employed. In fact, what is "gain" in your opinion? The second driver showing off his skills could stop the car three meters far away from the cliff, is apparently the best. However, he lost this job. The third driver said he would stop the car when he saw the cliff afar. It seemed that he was not so cool and not so strong. However, did this driver suffer losses? This driver gave up the fighting spirit and focused on his safety, so he could gain the position without a doubt.
So the middle-aged treats gains and losses like this. They'll be encumbered by skills because they have mastered skills（莫被“技术”所累). Sometimes when they show off their skills, they'll lose something. LaoZi also said, "Those who try to shine themselves are not clear（自见者不明）. Those who always think they are superior to others, are unwise and are illustrious for the time being, but it won't be everlasting definitely. LaoZi pursued something everlasting. Confucius said the middle-aged should abstain from fighting. For the middle-aged, if they can understand these words and keep moving forward regardless of fighting, they will gain a lot.
Q: When they slowly becomes old, they'll gain all things they have strive for a lifetime. It's seemly the time to keep victorious fruits and prevent losses, including fortune, life and fame. How should the aged face the gains and losses?
A: Confucius says gains of elders are quite unique. They should abstain from gains（及其老也，血气既衰，戒之在得), since already gained a lot. For instance, elders gain exceptionally good and bad things. Exceptionally good things include their children, social relations, and fortune they accumulated. However, their gains may become their burdens sometimes. The Chinese elders always think four generations living under one roof is the best luck. They are willing to care for their grandchildren if they can. Thus, their gains may become their burdens sometimes. Since they gain happiness from their children at the expenses of not living their own lives. Therefore, Confucius words that the elders should abstain from gains, warning us not to be bounded by our own gains (不被自己的所得绑架).
Q: In her opinion, the young should move forward bravely. However, the saying goes, never go back in the face of the wall (撞了南墙也不回头). Nowadays, actually most young people may be rather stubborn. When they run into a wall, they will destroy the wall and keep moving forward. Do you agree with it?
A: Actually she holds the same opinion. That is, we should know black from white(判断是非). It depends what kind of wall you run into. To decide whether you should destroy the wall, first, if it's something against the law, you`ll be jailed if you engage it. It's unwise and illegal. Second, if it's costly and it takes great effort, it's unwise. Third, others think it's an obstacle, but you think you are brave and can bear it, it will be your own innovation after you overcome it. Therefore, in her opinion, it depends on what kind of wall you ran into. The young have a lot of time and energy but without moral sense and great wisdom(道德感和大智慧), if you treat all walls in the same way, you will suffer losses.
Q: Recently an escalator accident happened. An escalator could even kill an two-year old child's mother. Actually behind this accident we may think of many things. For example, it's related to different workers' attitudes towards their jobs and their concerns about their contributions to some extent. What do you think of people's mental attitude the escalator accident revealed?
A: There are more and more such events in our society now. You'll find that a common matter which isn't dangerous, according to people's common sense, suddenly becomes a deadly trap. She mean does everybody devote to work (敬业)? For example, was there something wrong with the design cover of this escalator? From the video, we also see that attendants reminding others on both sides knowing it was dangerous. However, why not stop the escalator? When something dangerous happened, why not adopt forceful emergency measures to prevent further occurrences? Why did tragedy still happen though the risk was predictable? In fact, we can only attribute all these to gains and losses. If all of us don't devote to work, will we benefit from it eventually? People think they'll benefit from the laziness in work when the boss don't supervise them. For example, when I'm enjoying air conditioning in the office in summer, I can choose to work harder or I can also do less work. That is to say, if standard for the school record of a student is to pass or fail, it's the same to him in mind whether he gets 60 or 90 marks. So, he'd rather get 60, instead of 95 marks. She asks a question. "When the boss is absent, what on earth does the profession devotion brought you?" In terms of external benefits, it helped improve efficiency in career and achieve good outcome in work. It's easy for us to find the internal benefits. A self-disciplined person will have more reasons to think highly of himself, namely self-esteem (自尊) we mention. Take Germans as an example. They dare to build the flush toilet into the wall, which is a declaration of its quality. Actually it's dignity, and they dare to do so. Now all the people want to laze for a while. Actually, what we fear most now is people in every link laze just like that.
A Chinese saying goes, "Gentleman will be cautious when being alone." (君子慎独) When we are alone, it has the highest virtue for self-control. Whether we have a clear conscience or just work for the boss becomes the highest evaluation standards of professional ethics. Actually gains and losses are related to everyone's commitment and working condition of each component of the society. Others' commitment is related to our gains, while our commitment is related to others' gains. Therefore, no one can be separated from the society and always gain without losses. Ultimately, gains and losses are a kind of perception. They can't be measured. LaoZi's dialectics are excellent. He said that one must pay a lot to gain something he favors and the more collection one has, the more he will lose. (甚爱必大费，多藏必厚亡。—老子). How should we interpret this? We tend to spend all our money, energy and time on something we favor. <<The example given I am unable to understand. >>. Honestly, everyone has his own weakness. The second sentence is more unmerciful. The more collections one has, the more he will lose. She has such friends. They are on tenterhooks because they don't know where they should place their collections. They say they can't have cellars dug because no place is available, but they are afraid that others will covet their collections and kidnap their children if their collections are placed outside. They collect something they favor, but it turns out to be trouble for them. It becomes a burden. What should they do? LaoZi said three amazing phrases, "Those who are contented won't be humiliated and those who stick to the bark won't encounter danger. They can be safe forever in this way."(故知足不辱，知止不殆，可 以长久。) 知足不 辱 is knowing what is enough, you will not be humiliated. 知止不殆 means knowing where to stop, you will not be imperiled. When things reach an extreme, they can only move in the opposite direction(物极必反). Don't stick to the wrong side crazily. For example, many of her friends are discussing stock market. She don't know it at all. One of her students told her he never invested in stocks before but someone told him the trend was very good so he invested 50,000 yuan in stocks and went on a business trip. When he came back after one week, his money rose to 150,000 yuan already. Therefore, he invested all the money in stocks. After another business trip he found only one-third of all his money left. Therefore, if you you after something til a certain extent, you should stop and will always be safe. How can we live a longer life? We should stop whenever we gain enough(见好就收). She think this old saying makes sense indeed. An example about the relationship between the girl and boy with her students. A boy really loves a girl and dotes on her. When the girl calls him for some trifles, the boy will put aside all things to meet her immediately. However, sometimes, the girl starts to flaunt and makes a bet with all the girls in the dormitory. "Do you believe he will send an umbrella to me if I call him even it rains heavily or even it's very hot, if I ask him to run an errand for me for three times in a day, he will do so? Do you believe that? We can make a bet." Actually, the girl doesn't know she should stop when she gains enough. If she doesn't stop, they may break up eventually. Many people are put on the spot, because they don't stop when they gain enough. If we're modest and thankful in our life, we'll know everyone has difficulties, but someone still treats you well. So this shows their deep affection. We should stop when we gain enough or will lose a lot more. Therefore, the balance point between the gains and losses is whether we know to stop when we gain enough.
Q: Many young people would face a choice when they graduate. That is, whether they should work in Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou or other big cities or work in their hometown which is a two-tier or third-tier city? If they work in Beijing, Shanghai or Guangzhou, they'll get better opportunities, but they'll also face many difficulties. For example, the high housing price will bring many limits. Therefore, how should they measure the gains and losses between them?
A: In fact, there is no standard answer to this question. First she think the enquirer should measure her ability. Beijing, Shanghai and Guangzhou are like rivers. We know the story of "Pony Across the River." A pony wanted to cross the river. An old ox told it that the river was very shallow and only up to ankle, so it was easy to cross. However, a little squirrel discouraged it as one of his friends was drowned yesterday. That pony couldn't know the depth of the river until it crossed the river by itself. Therefore, you should measure your ability first. If you're like that little squirrel and you're introverted and a little weak, you can enjoy a happy and easy life. In this case, obviously, you should return to your hometown. Although there is an opportunity in Beijing, Shanghai and Guangzhou, it's too high, just like the river, which is too deep for the squirrel to cross it. Maybe you think you're like that ox, you can cross the river which is only up to your ankle and the country is really too small for you. You want to stay there. You're willing to work hard there, because you think this opportunity can help with your career. How can we gain happiness exactly? There are two ways actually. One is to work harder, and the other is to reduce expectation(加大努力，降低需求。). Both these two ways will make you happy. If you choose to work in your hometown, you reduce expectation. Maybe your happiness is just a kind of real peace of mind. The other choice is to work in Beijing, Shanghai and Guangzhou, so you have to work harder. If you work harder, you can live a higher quality of life. You invest a lot in the work but you have confidence in yourself and a great determination to the future.
When we're thinking about relationship between a person and gains and losses, we'll find that if one doesn't pay too attention to the gains and losses, and willing to do something and lose something for the society. Then social environment becomes better, he or she will gain the most.
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